OurLadyJ

4am

what’s new with the night?

i keep wondering

and the truth is…

nothing, still.

but i stay up too late

waiting for something to happen

like a little kid

afraid to miss something

maybe it’s just that craigslist is just too fascinating

there is some f-ed up shit on that site

lots of men who want a lady with a dang-dang

crazies who are more than willing

to post naked photos of themselves

we’re all exhibitionists, i guess

in the information age

everybody’s information belonging to everybody.

how much of this information is posted

in order to deflect from what we’d like to keep private?

showing my naked ass so that you don’t see my naked soul.

god, that’s corny

but probably a bit true.

dreamgirls

at the ziegfeld

what a thrill

a movie musical

done right

a relief after last year’s disappointing

adaptation of ‘rent’

i’m inspired all over

grow titties, grow!

started the testosterone blocker yesterday

putting the boys to rest

and bringing on the girls

i’m so ready

holiday

running all over town

like mad women

hustling at mickey d’s

and lovin’ it

miss ksk

can sing her way into your heart

i’m gonna miss showing up

with this brilliant cast

8x/week

i’ll just have to write my own musical

and cast them all in it

family. theatre.

theatre. family.

so true

sex, hijacked

abstinence only

reeks from my labs

every time i see my doctor

and fear an aids diagnosis

i want to wash their lies over

with my poison blood

the rage is so powerful

but my labs are good

the virus undetectable

removed from my blood

just like the hateful lessons they taught me

an act of will

a symbol of science

a progress that can only be taught

by witnessing failure

and finding the truth

thank the lady in the sky

thank the lady in the sky

for friends like my l.a. girl

setting me right-side-up

after weeks of confusion

months, perhaps

but like a good cry

the words of a friend

can send me back on my way,

the recovery quicker than ever

no need to mope around

she is a good one

after the party

i understand the group concept

the chemistry of moving through packs

and keeping the fire going in spite of

the collapsing circus tent

but i can’t grasp the concept

of the two who were spoken of

in the garden

the two who continue to be immortalized

in every outlet of human expression

perhaps that was covered

in one of the 45 days of schools missed

in the seventh grade

playing hookie because i didn’t want

to learn about sex

if i ignored it, it might go away

but hookie grew tiresome years ago

so i study the subjects that gross me out

the two in the garden

the muse that still baffles me

and i take a leap from the group concept

hoping that it will click someday

for morgan

after the nurse told me that i had tested positive

after the shaking

after the counseling

after the weeping

after holding my lover

i checked my phone to find that

the gay men’s chorus had hired me as their accompanist

shaking, counseling, weeping, holding some more

repeating in any order, without pause

and then we started rehearsals

and i imagined that the voices of these men

were lifting me to heaven

all 200 of them

escorting me into a land

where my body could not betray me

and they did

for morgan

rest in peace, fabulousness