OurLadyJ

philadelphia

wow

last night

a performance with justin left me quite high

in philly, turning out a couple of #s for the queers

he’s a delight to perform with

and i (a fan) hope i wasn’t too gah-gah

then the limo from philly to brooklyn

amazing

champagne

3am burger king

i can’t believe i carry burger king coupons in my wallet

you can take the girl out of PA…

corporate me

can’t believe i’m in the office today

as a woman, finally.

although august is the official start date 4 the lady

today i just couldn’t do boy.

i had a dentist appointment

and didn’t want to confuse him, so i went fish

and then didn’t have time to take the fish off b4 going to the office

(cuz i had 3 more cavities, and they had to redo the whitening trays)

so here is me, corporate trannie

so proud to walk into the abc building

the middle of times square

as woman

and everyone here is so supportive.

wow. my mom was like, totally wrong.

yes, i am a witch (yoko, yes. yes, yoko)

blood clots, i knew about

no smoking while taking estrogen

one of the sacrifices i suppose

no more night time smokie treats

oh well

perhaps i’ll paint my smoky walls

and throw my curtains in the wash

pink with gold stripes and a blue ceiling

closer to krishna than barbie

support group tonight

‘gender is much stronger than it should appear to be’

to take care of one’s body

one needs to be a part of it.

these girls are profound…

sistahs to guide each other

on this path, barely touched.

it’s so witchy, i love it.

a monument, or not

to realness, for the ones who need them.

am i expected to say something profound

i dunno, i’ll ask myself again

no, says me. it’s just chemical.

and more, says they.

the estrogen, warm and dizzy.

today, i felt the onset of female puberty

so rare, i guess to be able to pinpoint exactly what that feels like.

warm and dizzy.

an hour and a half after i applied the patch.

and many hours later, it has stayed. calm.

perhaps this is just a reaction

to getting something i’ve so desperately wanted

or maybe it’s the incredible weather.

but really, we never know why we feel what we feel

even after miles of therapy and blood tests and examinations.

the world is vast, and the variables are endless.

so just feel, jonnah.

again– my mantra:

THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME

(repeat, as necessary.)

author: anonymous, age 12

Anna Nichole Smith was born in November 28 ,1967 in mexia, Texas .But her actual name is Vicky Lynn Hogan. She got married with Billy Wayne Smith .Then she had a baby boy with Billy and they named it Naniel who was born in January 22, 1986. Anna got divorced of Billy in 1987. Then when Anna got divorced she was arrested for drunk driving while working in a strip club in Houston. Hen two years passed and she caught her eyes on 86 year old oil tycoon. j. Howard Marshall worth a report $1.6 billion dollards. Anna Nichole submitted her photos in to playboy. Anna was named playmate of the year. In1992 she began 3years of commercial of guess jeans the then she married her 86 years old J. Howard Marchall . After 4 years of marriage then a traigied happen she got half of the money / she got depressed and gain 230 pounds. In 2002 Anna started a reality show .4 million viewers watched this show.Anna was named spoke women for trimspa diet pills which she credit with her dramtic 69 pounds weight loss . Then another tragity happen her son danniel died at age 16 .In 2007 Anna died at the ageof 39 and left a 6 month year old baby which her name was Dannieal . So right now I will say rest in peace Anna Nichole Smith. {1967 to 2007]

R.I.P.

yo, was up…

i know it’s retarded

but since i start the estrogen tomorrow,

i thought i’d say

rest in peace, boy body

22aug1978 - 12mar2007

one last pic

“presenting” as male.

it would’ve worked in another lifetime

but it’s been impossible.

and life as a woman

has already proven

endless possibilities

it’s not giving up.

it’s entering the world

and accepting the gender binary

as something beautiful

worth joining

paris is burning

angelina scares us

she’s feeling neglected

i’ve been watching paris is burning

bit by bit as i fall asleep.

astounding,

the successes and failures of our society–

the hope of rising above classism, racism, genderism

the possibilities of transformation.

how such a short time can change so much.

Somethings haven’t changed…

Dorian Corey: “I come from the old school. Big costumes & feathers & beads. And they don’t have that anymore. Now it’s all about designers: it’s not about what you create- it’s about what you can aquire.”

Work, mama. Work.

and then i googled the stars.

all dead from aids.

except octavia–

her quote:

“i believe that all men are dogs, i do. i really do. they all bark sooner or later.”

check check

yesterday’s blog, what was that?

the olsens into aids, gotta take that to my shrink.

and i don’t post so many pics of myself because i’m a narcissist

i post them because there’s a friggin camera on my computer

you should see how many i’ve taken

hehe

i don’t know why i’m defending the blog

perhaps cuz i don’t want to write about what’s on my mind

okay, so i might be a dyke…

so what?

but i’m not one of those born-lesbians.

i’m a sister by choice…

one of those alice walker lesbians, you know.

but really,

i have yet to meet a man who can understand–

and perhaps that’s because only a woman can.

and only because i am a woman can i be with a woman…

a hetero would need me to be a man, something i can’t–

similar to the gays while close, whose eyes i read to say

“please be my father. be my brother. but please, not my mother.”